I don't remember waking up that morning. I only remember suddenly being in a chair having my hair curled. My house got hopping a lot earlier than it normally does on the 19th of September and didn't slow down until that night. Once everyone was up there was so much to do in what felt like NO time. After my hair was curled and pinned to my head, to hold the curls, it was off to have makeup done. My mom, sister in law, and I jumped in the car and started racing towards the Fort Worth location of Shelton's Salon. I would have preferred Bedford, but in an effort to respect someone's world I chose a different location. I do believe this is about the time that my life's soundtrack added a new song. You know that one that they play on the old cartoons when they race? That started just about the time we hit the accident on 820 and didn't stop until I walked down the aisle. Once we got back to the house it was all systems go. Erin and Lisa showed up and got me into my dress and rushed me out the door to get to the gardens by 10:30. Everyone else followed promptly. Waiting at the gardens were my friends and family...all on time thank goodness. Then I got to see all the kids. Each one of them in their own dress or shorts outfit and each one looking absolutely adorable! It was just what I had envisioned and I couldn't have been happier. We spent the next hour doing pictures and I made sure we started right on time. I did NOT want to be out there longer than we had to. I was ready to get to the fun! When the music started it got a little comical. There had been music issues leading up to the day and I thought I'd had them all worked out. The first song that was to play was Jim Brickman's Angel Eyes. This was for the kids. Well, the music started and everyone is looking at me to see if I want to start. What do I do? Yell out, "Is this JIM BRICKMAN?" I do believe the best man told me later that he could hear me yell this! When it was confirmed that this was the correct music I gave the go ahead to start. Then I saw it...the site I'd had in my mind for months. All 18 kids (we were missing 2) walking down the stairs together and then up the aisle. The oldest hold the youngest, the little ones getting help from the big ones, and the joining of our families. For both Brian and I this was where the water works began. To tell you that our neices and nephews are our whole world does not begin to express the love we have for them. Then it was time for the bridesmaids. Each one was beautiful and graceful and I couldn't have been more proud. When it was my turn I put my arm through my brother's and took my mom's hand. We walked out, got down the stairs and all I could see was Brian. He was crying. It goes without saying I cried all the way down the aisle. The ceremony was perfect and just what we wanted. It was truly my dream wedding. The reception was great! Erin's speach made me cry...of course! I knew it would. We danced to Elvis Presley's Can't Help Falling In Love. The food was fantastic and the cake was delicious. (The only thing I was missing? My period. I just knew it would show up!) Like I said...it was perfect.
Disney World couldn't have been better! Everyday was so much fun...exhausting, but fun! I had decided that I hadn't started my period because of stress. If my calander was correct I would have started the Monday before the wedding. By the time Tuesday came around I began to wonder. I was in Disney World and FAR from stressed so what was the problem. We went through Wednesday and decided that we would test that night if nothing happened. After dinner we went back to our room and made the decision to go ahead and test. Now, Disney doesn't have preggo tests in the gift shops (they do have condoms though!) so we had to order one from a nearby pharmacy that delivers to the resorts. After waiting an hour for it to get there I go into the bathroom and do the deed. Brian had already fallen asleep at this point so I was pretty much on my own. Low and behold....PREGNANT popped up on that little stick and the giggles came flooding out! I woke Brian up to tell him and he said "really?" then rolled over! In his defense he was soooo tired. After making a couple of calls I went to bed and surprisingly fell asleep right away. The rest of the week I felt great and was loving pregnancy. Someone evil and mean took it away this week though!
I'm sure more posts are to come about the pregnancy. Just be patient with me...this is my first (I don't remember much about the first one and I didn' t get too far) and it's foreign to me. Right now I just wish I wasn't so emotional. I could handle the crying, but the BAD mood is killing me!!!
P. S. We spent the day at the Magic Kingdom the day we found out we were having a baby. This to me just really cool!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Counting Down and Drying Tears
Two and a half weeks to go and so much to do! Because I'm such an anal retentive person I still have to do a dry run of the wedding centerpieces, put all the music on a disc for the deejay, do a rundown of EXACTLY how I want the ceremony to go, and a load of other little details. And let me point out that my tan has faded!! This means either asking my cousin if I can use her pool (completely private) or busting out the old school way of doing it and laying in my backyard on a towel. Option #2 isn't nearly as nice and relaxing as option #1, but I am the WORST at asking for something like this. I do have a fairly new double pool with a pink dolphin fountain, palm trees, and a blue whale slide on it... God help the aircraft that may fly over my house on those days! I was able to drop my dress off today for alterations and was told it will be about $35!! Now, this woman does BEAUTIFUL work and is so sweet, but she seriously needs to up the prices! She is worth much much more than that! As the days go by I am beginning to look more forward to the big day. Not to say that I wasn't before, but I think it's becoming much more real now. Last week it was all I could do not to cry on a daily basis. Brian, Mom, and I went to the reception site to go over details with the coordinator. After finalizing everything and then taking Mom for a quick look around I stood there taking deep breaths trying not to bust out in tears. I think that's when it hit me! HOLY CRAP!!! I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!! I do believe those words were said inside my head!
I continue to get response cards just about everday. I've pretty much predicted each guests reply, but have been surprised by some. We've predicted about 25 kids will attend and 18 of those will be IN the wedding. My father's side of the family will be represented only by my older sister, her kids and husband, and my older brother's son. An invitation was NOT sent to my father, younger sister, or her mother. My grandmother is to have knee surgery in the next two weeks, on both knees, and doesn't feel she can make it. My aunt and her kids and grandkids won't be there either...as of now. It doesn't surprise me really. They've never been there for anything John and I ever did, but they were quick to blame that on my mother. Idiots! I've thought a lot about it and it's probably for the best that they aren't there, but if I'm being honest, it does hurt a bit. Oh well...not something that's any different than the last 30 years of my life.
It's funny what kind of emotions an event like this can stir up. A wedding is a happy occasion, but it has a bit of a sad undertone. You begin to remember those you always thought would be there, but who aren't. It never crossed my mind for a minute that my older brother wouldn't be at my wedding, or my aunt. While I'm sure they will be there in spirit, the selfish part of me wants them there in the flesh. My aunt was supposed to help me get ready and do my hair. She was supposed to dance with me. Brian's best friend was supposed to be his best man. He won't even talk about the fact the Monte won't be there. And there are countless others who will be missing from the tables and the dance floor. Grandparents, friends, family members...all of them taken away before we were ready. Then again...they are in a far better place than we can even imagine and will be doing their own celebration that day...even if we can't see them.
(I apologize if this was on the sad side tonight. Just what was on my mind.)
I continue to get response cards just about everday. I've pretty much predicted each guests reply, but have been surprised by some. We've predicted about 25 kids will attend and 18 of those will be IN the wedding. My father's side of the family will be represented only by my older sister, her kids and husband, and my older brother's son. An invitation was NOT sent to my father, younger sister, or her mother. My grandmother is to have knee surgery in the next two weeks, on both knees, and doesn't feel she can make it. My aunt and her kids and grandkids won't be there either...as of now. It doesn't surprise me really. They've never been there for anything John and I ever did, but they were quick to blame that on my mother. Idiots! I've thought a lot about it and it's probably for the best that they aren't there, but if I'm being honest, it does hurt a bit. Oh well...not something that's any different than the last 30 years of my life.
It's funny what kind of emotions an event like this can stir up. A wedding is a happy occasion, but it has a bit of a sad undertone. You begin to remember those you always thought would be there, but who aren't. It never crossed my mind for a minute that my older brother wouldn't be at my wedding, or my aunt. While I'm sure they will be there in spirit, the selfish part of me wants them there in the flesh. My aunt was supposed to help me get ready and do my hair. She was supposed to dance with me. Brian's best friend was supposed to be his best man. He won't even talk about the fact the Monte won't be there. And there are countless others who will be missing from the tables and the dance floor. Grandparents, friends, family members...all of them taken away before we were ready. Then again...they are in a far better place than we can even imagine and will be doing their own celebration that day...even if we can't see them.
(I apologize if this was on the sad side tonight. Just what was on my mind.)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
RSPVs, Brain Scratchers, and Fingerpaints
I learned at an early age that going to the mailbox only brought stress and sorrow and that it should be extremely avoided although I wasn't sure why. When I became an adult and decided to move out on my own I figured it out very quickly. It's only been recently that I've actually found myself excitingly anticipating the arrival of the mailman. RSVP cards are my new feel good remedy. Now, it's a bit like playing Russian Roulette because not everyday does Mr. Postman bring said cards. Like today...no cards. Yesterday...5 cards!!!! When putting together my invites I made a point of putting a stamp on each RSVP envelope. I've come to realize that people do NOT RSVP if it is not covenient for them. I took away all options for flaking on this very important, very CURTEOUS gesture. I even addressed the damn thing for them. While I'm not living in denial and I know that some simply won't respond I am hoping that most do; not only for the practical reasons (headcount, good manners), but because I have grown to love that little surprise when I open the mailbox. Remember that feeling you got as a child when you received your first peice of mail? That's it! That's the same feeling all these years later. And it's my new guilty pleasure.
Quick question...have you ever had your nose "cultured"? This has got to be the MOST unpleasant experience of my life! My inital thought when the doctor suggested it was that they were just going to swab the inside of nostril and that was it. Not even close! I was instructed to hold my head back and hold still. Now, I know this guy is going to be putting this long QTip up my nose so moving was the last thing I wanted to do. He stuck it up my nose alright...I think he tapped my brain, at the very least my eyeball! Had I been braver and had he not had that thing jammed up into my skull I would have kicked him right between the legs. I thought he was never going to pull it out. When he finally did my eyes began watering and I was checking for blood...or brain matter! Moral of the story, if the doc says they want to do this to you ask if there is another option. You do NOT want to know what it is like to have your brain scratched!
With the wedding quickly approaching the next two weeks of my life should be interesting. My brother and sis-in-law are going on vacation to the river and leave on Sunday for the week. We all know that the river is NOT the place for little kids. Plus, Aiden is only 8 mths old. With that said, beginning Sunday, I will be in charge of the wellfare of a 2 yr old and 8 mth old until the following Saturday. For those of you who have never been here, my house is NO stranger to children or the 33 millions items it takes to entertain them. We'll be adding a bouncy thing for the baby, Christian's wagon, LOTs of food (Christian is on a special diet due to allergies), various other toys, a pack n play (mine), a bike, and a bumbo plus anything else Taren can think of. I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday and bought fingerpaints, construction paper, stickers and sidewalk chalk. I've decided that while Aiden is down for either the morning or afternoon nap Christian and I will get crafty. Christian is only taking one nap a day now so I wanted to make sure to mix it up a little for him. Brian's first question, "where are you going to do the fingerpaints." I should have told him in the garage next to the beer making stuff, but I decided that wouldn't be nice so I put his mind at ease and told him in the back yard. The Wednesday and Thursday after that and Aug 31st I will have Ava and Lexi. The babysitter is going to be on vacation and my sister can't take off. We'll do the same crafty stuff for them too. During all of this I've got to decide exactly what I want to do for my centerpieces and get a "dummy" one made so I can see if I like it and see how many different ways I can do it so that every few tables has something different. My dress has to be altered, I need to have my hair cut, I need to do a run through with my hair and makeup, I need to make sure we have shirts for all the guys and they know what to wear. The list goes on and on and I won't bore you. Needless to say, I am SUPER stoked about the next two weeks. I get to spend some quality time with my littlest neices and nephews and put the finishing touches on the wedding. How much more blessed could my life get???
Quick question...have you ever had your nose "cultured"? This has got to be the MOST unpleasant experience of my life! My inital thought when the doctor suggested it was that they were just going to swab the inside of nostril and that was it. Not even close! I was instructed to hold my head back and hold still. Now, I know this guy is going to be putting this long QTip up my nose so moving was the last thing I wanted to do. He stuck it up my nose alright...I think he tapped my brain, at the very least my eyeball! Had I been braver and had he not had that thing jammed up into my skull I would have kicked him right between the legs. I thought he was never going to pull it out. When he finally did my eyes began watering and I was checking for blood...or brain matter! Moral of the story, if the doc says they want to do this to you ask if there is another option. You do NOT want to know what it is like to have your brain scratched!
With the wedding quickly approaching the next two weeks of my life should be interesting. My brother and sis-in-law are going on vacation to the river and leave on Sunday for the week. We all know that the river is NOT the place for little kids. Plus, Aiden is only 8 mths old. With that said, beginning Sunday, I will be in charge of the wellfare of a 2 yr old and 8 mth old until the following Saturday. For those of you who have never been here, my house is NO stranger to children or the 33 millions items it takes to entertain them. We'll be adding a bouncy thing for the baby, Christian's wagon, LOTs of food (Christian is on a special diet due to allergies), various other toys, a pack n play (mine), a bike, and a bumbo plus anything else Taren can think of. I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday and bought fingerpaints, construction paper, stickers and sidewalk chalk. I've decided that while Aiden is down for either the morning or afternoon nap Christian and I will get crafty. Christian is only taking one nap a day now so I wanted to make sure to mix it up a little for him. Brian's first question, "where are you going to do the fingerpaints." I should have told him in the garage next to the beer making stuff, but I decided that wouldn't be nice so I put his mind at ease and told him in the back yard. The Wednesday and Thursday after that and Aug 31st I will have Ava and Lexi. The babysitter is going to be on vacation and my sister can't take off. We'll do the same crafty stuff for them too. During all of this I've got to decide exactly what I want to do for my centerpieces and get a "dummy" one made so I can see if I like it and see how many different ways I can do it so that every few tables has something different. My dress has to be altered, I need to have my hair cut, I need to do a run through with my hair and makeup, I need to make sure we have shirts for all the guys and they know what to wear. The list goes on and on and I won't bore you. Needless to say, I am SUPER stoked about the next two weeks. I get to spend some quality time with my littlest neices and nephews and put the finishing touches on the wedding. How much more blessed could my life get???
Friday, July 31, 2009
I changed my mind...
I've said it before...I over analyze EVERYTHING. Especially when it comes to something for me. "Do I really need it? Couldn't I use that money for something else or for someone else?" I was no different when it came to my wedding dress. I had the damn thing picked out and paid for. It was set and that decision was made and it was time to move on to other things for the wedding. Then I started watching those stupid bridal shows on tv. The dress I originally chose was very simple and was almost a "slip dress". It didn't have a petticoat or anything underneath other than a thin slip. With every "full skirt" dress I saw on tv the more I questioned my decision of my dress. Each time I was able to remind myself why I chose the original dress and talk myself out of the "full skirt". It didn't work on Monday. While babysitting my nephew for a few hours I started watching the WE channel which we all know is pretty much wedding central. Long story short, I call my mom and tell her to meet me at David's Bridal after work. My sister in law came home, packed her bag, loaded Aiden in the car and we took off for the store. (Erin wasn't having a good day. It would have been completely selfish if I had asked her to come to the store too. She needed to be with Brandon.) I put on the original dress, then pulled out the other two that were contenders last time. Both full skirts, simple, no beading, one a halter and one strapless. I put the strapless on first then I put the halter on. I'll go ahead and tell you, the halter has a flower on it. If you know me at all you will know that I HATE things like that. I love flowers, but I do NOT like them as personal accessories. On other people they are cute. I just don't want to have to deal with them! I picked the halter with the flower. It was comfortable and the most flattering on me. I felt like a bride and honestly, a bit of a princess. It only cost me $50 more and I can pick it up in two weeks!!! While this was teh favorite of several people, I didn't pick it for that reason. I am a HUGE people pleaser, but this time I did it for me. I love the way it feels and the way I look. I know I probably said that about the other one, but I haven't once questioned this decision. If I'm not questioning it then I know I've made the right decision.
We found the bridesmaid dresses in the most unusual place. Knowing that we had to be budget conscious limited our choices, but I wasn't about to break from the budget. I could NOT ask the girls to pay for something that was WELL out of their price range. They tried on several dresses at David's Bridal and in the end we left empty handed. What was in our price range didn't look good on everyone and I wasn't going to make someone where something that looked horrible on them. We went to Alfred Angelo, formerly Bride's Mart, and walked out of there laughing to ourselves. They are WAY to proud of their stuff. Then my mom suggests Dress Barn. All 5 of us girls looked at her like she was crazy, but to appease her we went in. There is was...in all it's glory. Short (knee length) black with ivory rooshing(sp?) at the empire waist and adorable. It was perfect! Lisa's little belly was absolutely darling in it, Raquel's boobs were nicely "contained", and Taren looked beautiful! They all did! Then we found a special dress for Erin. Black with lace on the upper bodice. She looked gorgeous and she was comfy. Her bump will fit perfectly in it! Now, my colors were red and ivory, but this dress changed it a bit. The only black you will see is the girl's dresses and the guys pants. The dresses were $60! No altering needed and take home ready! Moms are so smart! I made sure my sister in law brought her's with us when we changed my dress on Monday. The dress still looks great with my dress!
We should be done with the invitations this weekend. They HAVE to be mailed on Monday. I printed them last night at my mom's and should be working on the knots, but haven't gotten that far. I found the shirts for the guys and they were only $15! Now to get the center pieces started. I have a couple of jewelry shows coming up so that will hopefully help with that expense. I think at this point the hard stuff is done!
We found the bridesmaid dresses in the most unusual place. Knowing that we had to be budget conscious limited our choices, but I wasn't about to break from the budget. I could NOT ask the girls to pay for something that was WELL out of their price range. They tried on several dresses at David's Bridal and in the end we left empty handed. What was in our price range didn't look good on everyone and I wasn't going to make someone where something that looked horrible on them. We went to Alfred Angelo, formerly Bride's Mart, and walked out of there laughing to ourselves. They are WAY to proud of their stuff. Then my mom suggests Dress Barn. All 5 of us girls looked at her like she was crazy, but to appease her we went in. There is was...in all it's glory. Short (knee length) black with ivory rooshing(sp?) at the empire waist and adorable. It was perfect! Lisa's little belly was absolutely darling in it, Raquel's boobs were nicely "contained", and Taren looked beautiful! They all did! Then we found a special dress for Erin. Black with lace on the upper bodice. She looked gorgeous and she was comfy. Her bump will fit perfectly in it! Now, my colors were red and ivory, but this dress changed it a bit. The only black you will see is the girl's dresses and the guys pants. The dresses were $60! No altering needed and take home ready! Moms are so smart! I made sure my sister in law brought her's with us when we changed my dress on Monday. The dress still looks great with my dress!
We should be done with the invitations this weekend. They HAVE to be mailed on Monday. I printed them last night at my mom's and should be working on the knots, but haven't gotten that far. I found the shirts for the guys and they were only $15! Now to get the center pieces started. I have a couple of jewelry shows coming up so that will hopefully help with that expense. I think at this point the hard stuff is done!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
The Day of the Dress
At the age of 3 I had my wedding planned out. I was going to wear pink and my bridesmaids were going to wear white. My mother tried to explain to me that it was the other way around, but I wasn't having it. I wasn't confused. I knew how it was supposed to go, but pink was my favorite color and I wanted to wear it. I remember playing in my mom's veil and telling myself that I was going to wear it in my wedding. Clearly I had no concept of changing styles or how easily things fell apart the older they got. I also remember NEVER liking the traditional "Here Come the Bride" song. Sing with me..."here comes the bride. big fat and wide!" Who didn't sing this song growing up? I don't even know the real words! One Halloween I was a bride, as I'm sure most little girls are at least one year of their life. I made my mom put makeup on me, I had white gloves, and frilly little white socks with my white dress shoes. I remember feeling so beautiful and perfect. I got to have that feeling again today.
When you walk into a bridal shop as a little girl it can be a bit overwhelming, but so neat at the same time. "Look at all the pretty dresses Mommy!" When you walk into one as a grown up girl it's still overwhelming, but for some of us it's slightly less exciting. Don't get me wrong. There was an excitement there, but at the same time I kept seeing the Stay Puff Marshmellow man with a veil on and flowers in it's fat fingers! Reality hits you and you see hundreds of dresses standing before you and you have NO idea what you are getting yourself into. I can no longer make fun of Erin and the number of dresses she made me climb under, zip, clip, or hang up when we went to find her wedding dress. I was nearly as bad. The first few were ok. I seem to be at a size that isn't around very much. They either have smaller or larger and let's not even get into my height problem! We laughed and giggled our way through the whole charade. Erin was slightly abusive, but nothing out of the ordinary. At one point she tried taking the whole underneath of my hair out with a dress. I was almost out of the damn thing when she tugged to get it over my head. My hair had somehow attached itself to the dress and I went flying backwards into her. She hit the door. I stepped on her toe. I remember laughing and saying, "ouch! my hair! Erin you have my hair!" I remember her saying, "be still. why are you wiggling? get out of the dress." I think it was about this time that my mom came to the dressing room door and told us to be quiet. When I was finally out of the dress Erin decided she was done helping me...at least until her toe felt better.
We had it narrowed down to two when my sister came to me with another dress. I'll be honest and admit that I didn't like it when I saw it on the hanger. I just knew it was going to make me look huge! It took a little help from both Erin and Raquel (cause it was slightly too small), but once it was one that was it. I over analyze everything and I started to do that with this dress. Then someone put a veil on my head and I was in tears a few minutes later. I love my dress. It's exactly what I wanted with just the right amount of "frilliness". I can't wait to share it with you guys. Next week we go for bridesmaid dresses. This will likely be a million times more interesting, but this time I get to sit in a chair and let someone else do all the work!
When you walk into a bridal shop as a little girl it can be a bit overwhelming, but so neat at the same time. "Look at all the pretty dresses Mommy!" When you walk into one as a grown up girl it's still overwhelming, but for some of us it's slightly less exciting. Don't get me wrong. There was an excitement there, but at the same time I kept seeing the Stay Puff Marshmellow man with a veil on and flowers in it's fat fingers! Reality hits you and you see hundreds of dresses standing before you and you have NO idea what you are getting yourself into. I can no longer make fun of Erin and the number of dresses she made me climb under, zip, clip, or hang up when we went to find her wedding dress. I was nearly as bad. The first few were ok. I seem to be at a size that isn't around very much. They either have smaller or larger and let's not even get into my height problem! We laughed and giggled our way through the whole charade. Erin was slightly abusive, but nothing out of the ordinary. At one point she tried taking the whole underneath of my hair out with a dress. I was almost out of the damn thing when she tugged to get it over my head. My hair had somehow attached itself to the dress and I went flying backwards into her. She hit the door. I stepped on her toe. I remember laughing and saying, "ouch! my hair! Erin you have my hair!" I remember her saying, "be still. why are you wiggling? get out of the dress." I think it was about this time that my mom came to the dressing room door and told us to be quiet. When I was finally out of the dress Erin decided she was done helping me...at least until her toe felt better.
We had it narrowed down to two when my sister came to me with another dress. I'll be honest and admit that I didn't like it when I saw it on the hanger. I just knew it was going to make me look huge! It took a little help from both Erin and Raquel (cause it was slightly too small), but once it was one that was it. I over analyze everything and I started to do that with this dress. Then someone put a veil on my head and I was in tears a few minutes later. I love my dress. It's exactly what I wanted with just the right amount of "frilliness". I can't wait to share it with you guys. Next week we go for bridesmaid dresses. This will likely be a million times more interesting, but this time I get to sit in a chair and let someone else do all the work!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
My life's blessings
My incredibly busy life never ceases to amaze me. I woke up this morning with the plan of laying out and getting some small stuff done around the house. When my sister sent me a text at 7:15 my plans suddenly changed. Two hours later I had a gift on my doorstep...2 little girls and their big brother. It was gearing up to be an interesting day to say the least! Ava, she's 3, had somehow found an old milk cup (don't ask) and finished it off. This of course resulting in puking all over herself in the car on the way to my house. She was promptly stripped and put in her bathing suit while her clothes went in the wash. Alexa, she's 2, was in rare form. She started talking to me the minute she walked in the door. This is the child who said "octopuss" on her first birthday. You can imagine how profound her vocabulary is now! We talked about her Dora book, her shoes, Ava puking in the car, the cats, and swimming...all within the first 5 minutes!
Their big brother Ryen has got to be the BEST big brother I know. He's so patient with them and doesn't mind helping with them at all. He will watch Dora, play with Barbies, kiss their boo-boo's, and he even takes them to the bathroom! I would watch him out of the corner of my eye and he would be giving one a kiss or talking to them and telling them he loves them. While he can be a typical boy and a complete pain in the butt, his true nature is loving and gentle. I love this about him and it makes my heart melt every time. Ryen wasn't the only boy at the house today. We added Aiden to the mix and that was one more blessing. The girls absolutely love him and Ryen will talk to him and play with him. He was only with us for a bit, but we all enjoyed it!
Tonight Brian's oldest neice, Emma, came to spend the night. I haven't seen her in a month because she's been on vacation and I really missed her. She is 14 and so much like Brian. Emma is such a sweet kid and she and Brian have such a connection. One night, before I had moved in and we had another bed upstairs, she stayed the night with Brian. For whatever reason she decided she didn't want to sleep on the couch so Brian told her she could sleep with him. She chose to make a pallet on the floor...next to his bed. He couldn't understand why she did this. I had to explain to him that while she wanted to be close to him for security, sleeping in the same bed as him was probably "gross" to her. This was so hard for him. "She slept with me all the time when she was little." I really think his heart broke a little that night. He realized she wasn't a little girl anymore. That has been a hard reality for him to grasp. I can't imagine how he's going to feel when she starts dating!
The house is quiet now. The little ones have gone home and Brian and Emma are fast asleep. My body and mind are exhausted, but my heart is the fullest it's ever been. I have a wonderful fiance who I love more than anything, beautiful neices and nephews who love us, a beautiful home, an amazing mother and in-laws, and so many exciting things to look forward to. When I go to bed tonight I have to remember to thank God for my life's blessings.
Their big brother Ryen has got to be the BEST big brother I know. He's so patient with them and doesn't mind helping with them at all. He will watch Dora, play with Barbies, kiss their boo-boo's, and he even takes them to the bathroom! I would watch him out of the corner of my eye and he would be giving one a kiss or talking to them and telling them he loves them. While he can be a typical boy and a complete pain in the butt, his true nature is loving and gentle. I love this about him and it makes my heart melt every time. Ryen wasn't the only boy at the house today. We added Aiden to the mix and that was one more blessing. The girls absolutely love him and Ryen will talk to him and play with him. He was only with us for a bit, but we all enjoyed it!
Tonight Brian's oldest neice, Emma, came to spend the night. I haven't seen her in a month because she's been on vacation and I really missed her. She is 14 and so much like Brian. Emma is such a sweet kid and she and Brian have such a connection. One night, before I had moved in and we had another bed upstairs, she stayed the night with Brian. For whatever reason she decided she didn't want to sleep on the couch so Brian told her she could sleep with him. She chose to make a pallet on the floor...next to his bed. He couldn't understand why she did this. I had to explain to him that while she wanted to be close to him for security, sleeping in the same bed as him was probably "gross" to her. This was so hard for him. "She slept with me all the time when she was little." I really think his heart broke a little that night. He realized she wasn't a little girl anymore. That has been a hard reality for him to grasp. I can't imagine how he's going to feel when she starts dating!
The house is quiet now. The little ones have gone home and Brian and Emma are fast asleep. My body and mind are exhausted, but my heart is the fullest it's ever been. I have a wonderful fiance who I love more than anything, beautiful neices and nephews who love us, a beautiful home, an amazing mother and in-laws, and so many exciting things to look forward to. When I go to bed tonight I have to remember to thank God for my life's blessings.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The Shocking 18!
It's no secret that Brian and I love our families. It's also no secret that we don't believe "family" is always blood related. As a result our "families" are HUGE! Mine more than his, but when you put them together I can guarantee we will look like the Duggars on steroids. So when it came to the wedding and making the decision on who would be in it we ended up finding ourself in a very strange situation. The adults of the wedding party were easy, but figuring out places for all the kiddos became nearly impossible. When you add all of our neices and nephews up we get a total of 18. That's a lot of kids, but each one is super special to us and we can't imagine our lives without them! I thought I would give a little background on who they all are.
His... Brian has an older sister and a younger sister. Camille, his older sister, was blessed with her first daughter, Emma, when Brian was 18 and they had an immediate bond. Emma is a lot like her Uncle Brian and it shows every time they are together. For the first several years of Emma's life Brian was the closest thing to a Daddy she had. Later, Camille married James, who had Orien and Tyler from his first marriage. Eight years ago Olivia joined the family and then 5 years ago Grace entered the world. Brooke, Brian's little sister, contributed Abby to the family 9 years ago. Each one of the kids holds a little piece of Brian's heart and it shows every time they are around him. I'll never forget seeing him with them for the first time. Watching his eyes light up and seeing how much he loved them made me fall in love with him that instant. I knew right then that he would be a wonderful father.
Mine...This is where it gets confusing. Let's start with biological ones first. My older brother, BG, has a son Josh. I haven't been around Josh much, but I did get to spend some time with him when my brother passed away. Josh is his dad made over, physically, and has his mother's brilliant mind. When I look at him it makes me feel like God left a piece of BG just for us. My older sister, Jody, has two kiddos, Kaylie and Brady. Kaylie looks just like my sister did when she was younger and is so sweet. She never fails to hug me everytime I see her. Brady is a shy little monster. He's 5 years old and the size of a 7 year old. He's got sugar dripping out of him at every turn and is 100% boy! My little brother, John, has 2 boys. Christian, while not biologically his, loves his Daddy so much! You cans see the world disappear when John walks into the room. Aiden is a miniature version of my brother. If you were to compare pictures the only thing that would distinguish between the two of them is the age of the actual picture. Aiden is such a good baby and is quickly beginning to show signs of being his big brother's side kick!
Non biological...When I was 8 years old my mother got me involved in Big Brothers and Sister of Tarrant County. I was matched with Ethel and when our case was closed, due to me graduating high school and being 18, we were the longest running match in BB&S history. Alexandra, her oldest, was born the day after my 15th birthday and I will never forget the day she was born. Last year, Alex started on the Varsity Soccer team at her school. She was a freshman!! When Alex was 7 she was given a baby brother and sister. Isabel and Connor were born in February and are a miracle in themselves. Isabel is all girl and it shows in everything she does and says. Connor loves anything Alex does and you can see how much he looks up to her! You all know who Raquel is. Raquel came into our lives about 9 years ago when she and my mom started working together. Her entire family lives out of state so she adoped our family and we adopted her. When she got married 4 years ago my mom got two grandkids with the deal. Bailye is 13 and such a doll. We don't see her much, but we miss her when she isn't around. Ryen is involved in basketball, soccer, and football and keeps the family running. He has a huge heart and is the best big brother that I've ever seen. Three years ago Raquel gave birth to Ava and gave my mom her 3rd grandchild. Ava is another one that is all girl. She was tiny when she was born and hasn't changed much. She is petite and tiny and beautiful. Ava became a big sister when Alexa came into the world 2 years ago. Lexi is in a world of her own. She rolled over at 3 months, crawled at 5, and had a full array of words in her vocabulary by her first birthday...including octopuss!
There you go! That's all of them! They are literally what makes our world go round and having each one of them in our wedding is going to make our day that much more special. Now, Orien and Tyler will not be with us that day as they have moved to Hawaii with their mom. My Goddaughter, Katlin will be a part of the wedding and so will her little brother Matthew. Still makes it 18.
I know it's a lot of kids and it will likely be chaotic, but I can NOT imagine it any other way and neither can Brian.
His... Brian has an older sister and a younger sister. Camille, his older sister, was blessed with her first daughter, Emma, when Brian was 18 and they had an immediate bond. Emma is a lot like her Uncle Brian and it shows every time they are together. For the first several years of Emma's life Brian was the closest thing to a Daddy she had. Later, Camille married James, who had Orien and Tyler from his first marriage. Eight years ago Olivia joined the family and then 5 years ago Grace entered the world. Brooke, Brian's little sister, contributed Abby to the family 9 years ago. Each one of the kids holds a little piece of Brian's heart and it shows every time they are around him. I'll never forget seeing him with them for the first time. Watching his eyes light up and seeing how much he loved them made me fall in love with him that instant. I knew right then that he would be a wonderful father.
Mine...This is where it gets confusing. Let's start with biological ones first. My older brother, BG, has a son Josh. I haven't been around Josh much, but I did get to spend some time with him when my brother passed away. Josh is his dad made over, physically, and has his mother's brilliant mind. When I look at him it makes me feel like God left a piece of BG just for us. My older sister, Jody, has two kiddos, Kaylie and Brady. Kaylie looks just like my sister did when she was younger and is so sweet. She never fails to hug me everytime I see her. Brady is a shy little monster. He's 5 years old and the size of a 7 year old. He's got sugar dripping out of him at every turn and is 100% boy! My little brother, John, has 2 boys. Christian, while not biologically his, loves his Daddy so much! You cans see the world disappear when John walks into the room. Aiden is a miniature version of my brother. If you were to compare pictures the only thing that would distinguish between the two of them is the age of the actual picture. Aiden is such a good baby and is quickly beginning to show signs of being his big brother's side kick!
Non biological...When I was 8 years old my mother got me involved in Big Brothers and Sister of Tarrant County. I was matched with Ethel and when our case was closed, due to me graduating high school and being 18, we were the longest running match in BB&S history. Alexandra, her oldest, was born the day after my 15th birthday and I will never forget the day she was born. Last year, Alex started on the Varsity Soccer team at her school. She was a freshman!! When Alex was 7 she was given a baby brother and sister. Isabel and Connor were born in February and are a miracle in themselves. Isabel is all girl and it shows in everything she does and says. Connor loves anything Alex does and you can see how much he looks up to her! You all know who Raquel is. Raquel came into our lives about 9 years ago when she and my mom started working together. Her entire family lives out of state so she adoped our family and we adopted her. When she got married 4 years ago my mom got two grandkids with the deal. Bailye is 13 and such a doll. We don't see her much, but we miss her when she isn't around. Ryen is involved in basketball, soccer, and football and keeps the family running. He has a huge heart and is the best big brother that I've ever seen. Three years ago Raquel gave birth to Ava and gave my mom her 3rd grandchild. Ava is another one that is all girl. She was tiny when she was born and hasn't changed much. She is petite and tiny and beautiful. Ava became a big sister when Alexa came into the world 2 years ago. Lexi is in a world of her own. She rolled over at 3 months, crawled at 5, and had a full array of words in her vocabulary by her first birthday...including octopuss!
There you go! That's all of them! They are literally what makes our world go round and having each one of them in our wedding is going to make our day that much more special. Now, Orien and Tyler will not be with us that day as they have moved to Hawaii with their mom. My Goddaughter, Katlin will be a part of the wedding and so will her little brother Matthew. Still makes it 18.
I know it's a lot of kids and it will likely be chaotic, but I can NOT imagine it any other way and neither can Brian.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Clarification
I want to clarify the meaning of my last blog. I did not mean for it to sound like I absolutely hate myself and that I think Brian won't be pleased with what he sees on our wedding day. First of all, it was written after a long night of no sleep. I am also a HUGE ball of nerves right now. I know I did it to myself. I usually do. Basically I was just trying to express my fears , but trying to down play them at the same time. Does that make sense? I thought that if I made light of the whole thing, which was my intent, that the fear woulnd't seem so big.
Am I looking forward to a nap more than I am "being with my husband"? NO! But if I think about a nap then I avoid possibly vomiting in my mouth from nerves. I'm not nervous about the actual "deed"... the whole DAMN thing has me nervous. I'm doing things differently than everyone thought I would, I've changed my mind about the style of my dress, I'm putting 18 kids in the wedding.... For that last 10 years things have been very specific.... NONE of it exists anymore. It's exciting and amazing, but for someone who has everything planned out and and doesn't do well with NOT having 100% control of some situations, my ever changing mind is scaring the HELL out of me!
The only thing I'm not nervous about? Making it down the aisle so I can hang on to Brian's hand. I know the minute he takes hold of me all will be well. My mother is my hero and best friend, but Brian has become my security and safe haven. I never thought there would be anyone in this world who could make me feel the way he does.
So, if I have another last night/early morning post that sounds like I'm being harsh to myself or sounds like I'm deminisioning the excitement of my wedding, just know that it is my way of dealing with my nerves as best as I can. I know it's all going to turn out exactly like it should in the end, but on the way there I may have a few moments of complete anxiety. Please just be patient with me!
And I hope like hell this makes sense!
Am I looking forward to a nap more than I am "being with my husband"? NO! But if I think about a nap then I avoid possibly vomiting in my mouth from nerves. I'm not nervous about the actual "deed"... the whole DAMN thing has me nervous. I'm doing things differently than everyone thought I would, I've changed my mind about the style of my dress, I'm putting 18 kids in the wedding.... For that last 10 years things have been very specific.... NONE of it exists anymore. It's exciting and amazing, but for someone who has everything planned out and and doesn't do well with NOT having 100% control of some situations, my ever changing mind is scaring the HELL out of me!
The only thing I'm not nervous about? Making it down the aisle so I can hang on to Brian's hand. I know the minute he takes hold of me all will be well. My mother is my hero and best friend, but Brian has become my security and safe haven. I never thought there would be anyone in this world who could make me feel the way he does.
So, if I have another last night/early morning post that sounds like I'm being harsh to myself or sounds like I'm deminisioning the excitement of my wedding, just know that it is my way of dealing with my nerves as best as I can. I know it's all going to turn out exactly like it should in the end, but on the way there I may have a few moments of complete anxiety. Please just be patient with me!
And I hope like hell this makes sense!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Late Night Randomness
I felt pretty good today with all that I accomplished. When you only have 2 1/2 months to plan a wedding your automatic fear is that every venue for wedding and reception will be taken. Luckily the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens has the specific garden and time available I was wanting. What made things even better was their restaurant is also available for a lunch reception. In my mind I've gone back and forth on the whole afternoon reception. It will be nice to not have to wait all day just to get down the aisle and enjoy quality time with friends and family. At the same time I think every girl, and I use that term loosely in my case, has this idea of driving away with her Prince Charming under the moon and stars. Here's what I keep telling myself though...YOU CAN TAKE A NAP AFTER! Seriously, get married, have family time, eat cake, go home and take a nap! I'm aware that this should not be what I am thinking about doing after the wedding, but let's not fool ourselves here. It's not like I'm 20 years old and can't wait to "be with my husband." And it's not like daylight is my friend in that situation. Oh, he loves me for who I am, but come one girls. Let's say I pull off the whole "taking his breath away" when he sees me the first time as I walk toward him in my dress. I would hate to have to smack him back to reality so soon after his "breath taking" moment. That would just be unfair to the poor man.
I've narrowed down what I think I want the guys to wear, but in the shower tonight I thought of something else. I do not have time to keep changing my mind or coming up with new ideas. And don't even get me started on the music for the ceremony. For YEARS I had the music picked out. I even had the timing down on the processional music. Now I can't make up my mind. I like three different ones, my mom has her favorite of them, one of them calms me, and the other is the original music I've always wanted. This will definitely be a job for the bridesmaids to help with. Maybe I'll just use "Another One Bites the Dust"...
I'll definitely be ready to get these big decisions out of the way. They effect the decision I make on everything else. I was on a "roll" today, as Amy put it, and now I'm stuck. I'm waiting for the photographer and cake chick to email me back. The waiting is killing me! I also think I'm just waiting for something to go wrong. I wouldn't say I'm a pessimistic person...I just like to have my umbrella in hand when the shit hits the fan!
Anyway...enough wedding talk. I gotta find something else to talk about!
I've narrowed down what I think I want the guys to wear, but in the shower tonight I thought of something else. I do not have time to keep changing my mind or coming up with new ideas. And don't even get me started on the music for the ceremony. For YEARS I had the music picked out. I even had the timing down on the processional music. Now I can't make up my mind. I like three different ones, my mom has her favorite of them, one of them calms me, and the other is the original music I've always wanted. This will definitely be a job for the bridesmaids to help with. Maybe I'll just use "Another One Bites the Dust"...
I'll definitely be ready to get these big decisions out of the way. They effect the decision I make on everything else. I was on a "roll" today, as Amy put it, and now I'm stuck. I'm waiting for the photographer and cake chick to email me back. The waiting is killing me! I also think I'm just waiting for something to go wrong. I wouldn't say I'm a pessimistic person...I just like to have my umbrella in hand when the shit hits the fan!
Anyway...enough wedding talk. I gotta find something else to talk about!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Here I am again...middle of the night and my brain will NOT shut off. It's my own fault really. I made some serious life changing decisions today. It's amazing to me how different I am from just a few years ago. When I was a little girl I was all dresses and bows. I never went anywhere without shoes on and it was out of the question to leave the house without being fully dressed and primped! Then I hit high school, became a cheerleader, and it all went south. Getting up at the ass-crack of dawn for practices, then the practices after school, and the games that we were expected to be at pretty much turned my prissiness away. When the entire school sees you sweating in shorts and a t-shirt, no makeup and your hair pulled out of your face in any way possible brings you in to reality. I never really regained my "girly girl" attitude. I am notorious for leaving the house with my hair up, NO makeup, and wearing something that matches close enough that I don't get looked at like a bum! Erin hates this! "What if you run into someone you know?" Well, then it won't be a surprise for them since this is how I normally look! If this is my outlook on life then WHY did I think a big "princessy" wedding was a good idea?
For as long as I can remember I've had my wedding planned. I knew what music I was going to walk down the aisle to, the colors, the flowers, the ceremony music, etc. My dress was going to be beautiful and big and I was going to look like a princess. When my brother got married last year I was commissioned to "plan" the thing. In the end, he had my "dream wedding". His fiance and I are so much a like that their wedding ended up being exactly what I THOUGHT I always wanted. That is until the last 24 hours.
We've decided that we no longer want what I had envisioned. I have a new vision. I have a vision of friends and family joining around us to watch us declare our love for each other. I want simplicity. My dress has even changed. I want to remember every detail of the day and not go broke trying to make it happen. Marriage isn't about what you wear that day, the flowers you carried, the music that played, or the cake that is served. Marriage is about loving that one person for the rest of your life, through good and bad, and never wanting to go a day on this earth without them. I don't need all the details to make sure everyone knows how much I love Brian. In fact, I think I can say it better with the new vision. I still want the same colors, but that is about all that is the same. I've changed my processional music, my dress, the location, the everything! I'm not the person I was when this whole thing started. I'm madly in love with the one person in the world God made for me.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The 5am Blog
I never thought I would be where I am today. As a teen I had my entire life planned out. I was going to be married by the age of 25, by 30 I would have 2 kids, and I would be a stay at home mom with a fairytale life. I think God probably got a good laugh out of that. He had other plans. About 4 years ago I was introduced to the man I am engaged to. We had gone to high school together, but he didn't know I existed and to me he was always the older guy a couple of years ahead of me. We dated briefly not long after our "meeting" and then split up. Our lives were going in different directions. I had come to the conclusion that maybe marriage wasn't something that needed to be done in your 20's and that it was okay to wait a bit longer. I'm so glad I did. The last couple of years I had been telling myself that I had already met my Prince Charming. That he was someone who had already been a part of my life, but I couldn't put my finger on him. Then in November, after some encouraging from Erin, I decided to call Brian and see how he was. After 4 years of growing up, I was a bit more willing to tear down the wall I wouldn't let him past previously. We haven't looked back since. He proposed in February and we will be married in February 2010. He is truely the love of my life. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
Planning a wedding is...well... at times a pain in the ass! Granted, I've only just started. I've done other weddings before. Planning my own has proven to be not as easily done. I think when you AREN'T the bride, you don't get bogged down by all the details. You feed off the details when you are on the outside looking in. As the bride, however, it's the details that cause sharp shooting pains to your eyeballs for no particular reason. Then there is the whole dress scenerio. Since I'm the last in my group to get married, I think you ladies can appreciate this. The dress charade is quite possibly the one detail I wish I could pass off to someone else. I do not want to put big white layers of fabric over what already feels like jello and marshmellows. Don't get me wrong, I want my perfect dress more than anything. It's the body it has to go on that makes the whole thing mortifying. We are critical of ourselves as it is. Adding the pressure of wanting to look perfect on your wedding day, while standing in a tri-fold mirror, all eyes on you in bad florescant lighting only makes the self criticism a million times worse. Do my arms look big? Is my stomach poking out? IS THAT BACK FAT???? My brilliant solution was to get a tan...
We bought a pool...it nearly killed me! I was sure that a little color would help with my self-esteem and possibly motivate me to do something about my body. The water was great, the sun was warm...and most importantly, the house was empty! Floating around on my new silver float started out wonderfully! I was relaxed and soaking it up. Did the usual flip about 30 minutes into it. Then after a nice break I started the routine over again. It was when I flipped to my front the last time that sealed my sad fate for the next 2 days. I was so comfortable and relaxed. The impromptu nap was disrupted, thank the Lord, by the feeling of goosebumps and a slight chill. I knew it was time to head in. A few hours later, after deciding to go to dinner with Brian's sister, I got up from my comfy spot on the couch to get dressed. I turned white, my neice asked what was wrong, and I saw my life flash before my eyes! I made sure to give Brian instructions on certain things I would need later in the evening. I knew it was only going to get worse. After the house had been cleared out my body turned on me and 30 minutes of hell followed. During that 30 minutes I scared the living daylights out of the cats with the noises that erupted from my mouth, peed all over myself, and comtemplated whether or not my fiance and the crew would walk in to witness a toilet death in progress. When I finally made it back to bed, after cleaning up my mess, mind you, I began to freak myself out beyond the point of return! "OMG!!! When was my last period? What if I'm pregnant? What about the wedding? What is Erin going to say?" This went on for a while. My concept of time was a bit off so it felt like forever. Then I had a sudden moment of clarity. "Hey stupid...YOU HAVE SUN POISONING!!!" That's a relief! Needless to say, my skin felt like it had been stretched to its max the following day and walking was nearly impossible. If I could have had Brian peeing for me I would have! I have NEVER in my life been so miserable after 2 1/2 hours in the sun. I survived though and now I have color...the red turned to brown. Maybe it will make the dress look better!
Planning a wedding is...well... at times a pain in the ass! Granted, I've only just started. I've done other weddings before. Planning my own has proven to be not as easily done. I think when you AREN'T the bride, you don't get bogged down by all the details. You feed off the details when you are on the outside looking in. As the bride, however, it's the details that cause sharp shooting pains to your eyeballs for no particular reason. Then there is the whole dress scenerio. Since I'm the last in my group to get married, I think you ladies can appreciate this. The dress charade is quite possibly the one detail I wish I could pass off to someone else. I do not want to put big white layers of fabric over what already feels like jello and marshmellows. Don't get me wrong, I want my perfect dress more than anything. It's the body it has to go on that makes the whole thing mortifying. We are critical of ourselves as it is. Adding the pressure of wanting to look perfect on your wedding day, while standing in a tri-fold mirror, all eyes on you in bad florescant lighting only makes the self criticism a million times worse. Do my arms look big? Is my stomach poking out? IS THAT BACK FAT???? My brilliant solution was to get a tan...
We bought a pool...it nearly killed me! I was sure that a little color would help with my self-esteem and possibly motivate me to do something about my body. The water was great, the sun was warm...and most importantly, the house was empty! Floating around on my new silver float started out wonderfully! I was relaxed and soaking it up. Did the usual flip about 30 minutes into it. Then after a nice break I started the routine over again. It was when I flipped to my front the last time that sealed my sad fate for the next 2 days. I was so comfortable and relaxed. The impromptu nap was disrupted, thank the Lord, by the feeling of goosebumps and a slight chill. I knew it was time to head in. A few hours later, after deciding to go to dinner with Brian's sister, I got up from my comfy spot on the couch to get dressed. I turned white, my neice asked what was wrong, and I saw my life flash before my eyes! I made sure to give Brian instructions on certain things I would need later in the evening. I knew it was only going to get worse. After the house had been cleared out my body turned on me and 30 minutes of hell followed. During that 30 minutes I scared the living daylights out of the cats with the noises that erupted from my mouth, peed all over myself, and comtemplated whether or not my fiance and the crew would walk in to witness a toilet death in progress. When I finally made it back to bed, after cleaning up my mess, mind you, I began to freak myself out beyond the point of return! "OMG!!! When was my last period? What if I'm pregnant? What about the wedding? What is Erin going to say?" This went on for a while. My concept of time was a bit off so it felt like forever. Then I had a sudden moment of clarity. "Hey stupid...YOU HAVE SUN POISONING!!!" That's a relief! Needless to say, my skin felt like it had been stretched to its max the following day and walking was nearly impossible. If I could have had Brian peeing for me I would have! I have NEVER in my life been so miserable after 2 1/2 hours in the sun. I survived though and now I have color...the red turned to brown. Maybe it will make the dress look better!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
