Here I am again...middle of the night and my brain will NOT shut off. It's my own fault really. I made some serious life changing decisions today. It's amazing to me how different I am from just a few years ago. When I was a little girl I was all dresses and bows. I never went anywhere without shoes on and it was out of the question to leave the house without being fully dressed and primped! Then I hit high school, became a cheerleader, and it all went south. Getting up at the ass-crack of dawn for practices, then the practices after school, and the games that we were expected to be at pretty much turned my prissiness away. When the entire school sees you sweating in shorts and a t-shirt, no makeup and your hair pulled out of your face in any way possible brings you in to reality. I never really regained my "girly girl" attitude. I am notorious for leaving the house with my hair up, NO makeup, and wearing something that matches close enough that I don't get looked at like a bum! Erin hates this! "What if you run into someone you know?" Well, then it won't be a surprise for them since this is how I normally look! If this is my outlook on life then WHY did I think a big "princessy" wedding was a good idea?

For as long as I can remember I've had my wedding planned. I knew what music I was going to walk down the aisle to, the colors, the flowers, the ceremony music, etc. My dress was going to be beautiful and big and I was going to look like a princess. When my brother got married last year I was commissioned to "plan" the thing. In the end, he had my "dream wedding". His fiance and I are so much a like that their wedding ended up being exactly what I THOUGHT I always wanted. That is until the last 24 hours.

We've decided that we no longer want what I had envisioned. I have a new vision. I have a vision of friends and family joining around us to watch us declare our love for each other. I want simplicity. My dress has even changed. I want to remember every detail of the day and not go broke trying to make it happen. Marriage isn't about what you wear that day, the flowers you carried, the music that played, or the cake that is served. Marriage is about loving that one person for the rest of your life, through good and bad, and never wanting to go a day on this earth without them. I don't need all the details to make sure everyone knows how much I love Brian. In fact, I think I can say it better with the new vision. I still want the same colors, but that is about all that is the same. I've changed my processional music, my dress, the location, the everything! I'm not the person I was when this whole thing started. I'm madly in love with the one person in the world God made for me.