Counting Down and Drying Tears

Two and a half weeks to go and so much to do! Because I'm such an anal retentive person I still have to do a dry run of the wedding centerpieces, put all the music on a disc for the deejay, do a rundown of EXACTLY how I want the ceremony to go, and a load of other little details. And let me point out that my tan has faded!! This means either asking my cousin if I can use her pool (completely private) or busting out the old school way of doing it and laying in my backyard on a towel. Option #2 isn't nearly as nice and relaxing as option #1, but I am the WORST at asking for something like this. I do have a fairly new double pool with a pink dolphin fountain, palm trees, and a blue whale slide on it... God help the aircraft that may fly over my house on those days! I was able to drop my dress off today for alterations and was told it will be about $35!! Now, this woman does BEAUTIFUL work and is so sweet, but she seriously needs to up the prices! She is worth much much more than that! As the days go by I am beginning to look more forward to the big day. Not to say that I wasn't before, but I think it's becoming much more real now. Last week it was all I could do not to cry on a daily basis. Brian, Mom, and I went to the reception site to go over details with the coordinator. After finalizing everything and then taking Mom for a quick look around I stood there taking deep breaths trying not to bust out in tears. I think that's when it hit me! HOLY CRAP!!! I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!! I do believe those words were said inside my head!

I continue to get response cards just about everday. I've pretty much predicted each guests reply, but have been surprised by some. We've predicted about 25 kids will attend and 18 of those will be IN the wedding. My father's side of the family will be represented only by my older sister, her kids and husband, and my older brother's son. An invitation was NOT sent to my father, younger sister, or her mother. My grandmother is to have knee surgery in the next two weeks, on both knees, and doesn't feel she can make it. My aunt and her kids and grandkids won't be there either...as of now. It doesn't surprise me really. They've never been there for anything John and I ever did, but they were quick to blame that on my mother. Idiots! I've thought a lot about it and it's probably for the best that they aren't there, but if I'm being honest, it does hurt a bit. Oh well...not something that's any different than the last 30 years of my life.

It's funny what kind of emotions an event like this can stir up. A wedding is a happy occasion, but it has a bit of a sad undertone. You begin to remember those you always thought would be there, but who aren't. It never crossed my mind for a minute that my older brother wouldn't be at my wedding, or my aunt. While I'm sure they will be there in spirit, the selfish part of me wants them there in the flesh. My aunt was supposed to help me get ready and do my hair. She was supposed to dance with me. Brian's best friend was supposed to be his best man. He won't even talk about the fact the Monte won't be there. And there are countless others who will be missing from the tables and the dance floor. Grandparents, friends, family members...all of them taken away before we were ready. Then again...they are in a far better place than we can even imagine and will be doing their own celebration that day...even if we can't see them.

(I apologize if this was on the sad side tonight. Just what was on my mind.)